Week 10

Well we are in week 10 of our wait. This week has been extremely hard. I have been very emotional all week. On Saturday, I was listening to a song in Korean (actually the one listed on this blog) and it hit me that my little Noah is over in Korea, and doesn't have a clue that his life as he knows it is about to be turned completely upside down. He doesn't know that his foster family is temporary. He thinks he is in his FOREVER already. I was feeling torn with are we doing the right thing, taking him out of his birth country. That is something I will never be able to give him, I can try to expose him to his culture but it will not be the same. I think of what his foster mom is thinking these last few weeks, and how hard it will be for her to let him go, and his birth mom, does she even know that her son will be leaving Korea? I want him home so bad, my heart is (as another mom waiting for travel put it) is literally being ripped out of my chest and pulled around the world. It is aching for him, and yet breaking at what all he is going to go through. It saddens me to know that he will grieve so hard in the beginning and I won't be able to comfort him. He won't even be able to understand when I try to soothe him.

Then there is Madison, my tears were also for her. Her life too is about to change completely. It will be a hard transition for her, it would and is for most children who have been an only child for 6 years! I know she loves Noah, but I don't think she will like sharing the attention (especially from her daddy) She will be a great big sister though and we will try to make sure that she doesn't feel left out.

Noah is 8 1/2 months old today. That is 8 1/2 months that I have missed. That is 8 1/2 months that I will never get back. Sure I will have forever with him, but those months are special too. I hope his foster mom will be able to share as much as she can about his time with her.

There's still a chance to get our TC this week, but as the week progresses the chances don't seem as high. Still hoping for the end of the week, if not it will probably be the longest weekend of my life and pray that it will come the following week.

Regardless I know it will happen, the only question is when?!?!