When someone is pregnant with a child, the child learns and hears his mother's voice. When Noah was in the womb of his birth mom, I wonder what she said to him. I can't imagine the feelings that she has went thru. I wonder if she told him how much she loved him? Obviously she did, she gave him the greatest gift she could....she gave him life, and although she wasn't able to provide for any child at the time, she must have wanted him to have a life that she couldn't give him. She carried him for 9months inside her womb, he heard her speaking and knew the sound of her voice. when he was born and those few days in the hospital, did she hold him, did he hear his birth mothers voice, or did he never hear it again? Loss number 1.
Then he went off to Eastern (the nursery/orphanage)where he was for 6 weeks. There he heard one voice after another, no one at times able to meet his needs, feed him when he was hungry, change him when he needed to be changed, or just cuddle him when he needed comforted. Don't get me wrong, those workers LOVE those babies, and do all they can for them, but when there are 60 babies and only 4 workers.....I am in childcare I know how it is.....there are times when they just have to wait. Loss number 2.
November 19, 2007, Mrs. C came to Eastern and they placed little Noah in her arms. She cared for him, like he was one of her own children. She LOVED him, she met all of his needs, and made him laugh. He was happy. He was "home". SHE was his mother, and her husband, and children were his family.
Then on June 6, 2008 his "world" was turned upside down, literally. His "home" as he knew it was no longer there, his "omma" was no longer there, all that was there were these 3 people who looked different, talked different, and smelled different, and yet we all seemed so happy, yet he was scared and didn't know what was going on in his life. Would his needs be met, I am sure he wondered in his little head. It was a huge GAIN for all of us, it just is going to take Noah a while to figure it out. To him this was his biggest LOSS of all.
People have asked, and I am sure thought we are crazy for not letting anyone hold him yet,(remember we did have to have 10 hours of training on this) but put yourself in his shoes for a minute.....He has no idea who we are, I think now he is starting to realize that we are going to meet his needs, but in his eyes, so did his "omma" but only for a while. Maybe he thinks we are going to leave him to. I understand he is just a baby, but think of any 9 month old you know, even younger, they know who there mom's are, so imagine that nine month old never seeing them again, and not understanding why?
And if Noah doesn't get held by other people for a while or he gets a little bit spoiled, I think it's ok. Besides after all he's been thru in his 9 months of life, don't you think he deserves it?
I know I tend to worry *alot* and I am sure Noah is adjusting like he should. I was just SO naive in thinking that he would love me from the moment he saw me like I did him. I have loved that child even before I ever saw his picture or even knew his name, that is what adoption is all about. "Adoption is when a child doesn't grow under your heart but IN it."
Adoption is a precious gift. It's just no one can figure out how to explain it to a baby.
I thank God everyday for Noah. He truly was meant to be mine. I am thankful to his birthmom for her ultimate sacrifice, and for his "omma" for taking such fabulous care of Noah until he was able to finally be in my arms. I can't imagine how hard these last 2 weeks have been on her and her family. It truly takes special families to foster children. I thank God for them also.
If anyone would like more information on healty attachment and bonding, here is the link. http://www.a4everfamily.org/index.php
1 Samuel 1:27
I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted what I asked of Him.
3 comments:
Well said! We will be doing the same thing for at least 4 weeks or until we feel that Malia has bonded with us which will take however long it takes! Good job!
What a wonderfully wise post! Everything you wrote resonated with me. We've been home over three years (China) and, although I'm no expert, I really think y'all are doing exactly what your little Noah needs.
(Oh...and I'm a Bethany momma, too.)
Very insightful post! Well put! Praying that attachment continues to progress for your family! (Holt BB mom)
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